Have you ever woken up and had the dreaded sense that your life feels a bit like Groundhog Day? Where every morning seems to start with the same negative thoughts and burden of responsibilities that makes you feel like you just need to get through the day before it's even started?
Before you've left the house you're thinking about the list of things you need to get done at work, all the people who probably haven't done what they said they'd do and what difficult colleague you are going to have to deal with today. Not only do you have to deal with crazy morning traffic but by the time you get to work you're instantly greeted by a problem. Most days you feel so frustrated because it feels like you spend the entire day putting out fires instead of being able to do what you wanted to do. You're so aggravated by the people around you that you wind up venting your frustration, leaving you full of guilt and regret.
When you finally leave work, you feel agitated, restless and completely over it. You literally can't wait to get home to just feel some relief. Yet sometimes, home ends up feeling just as crappy as work. Instead of finally being able to relax, you wind up in an argument over dinner, bills or washing. Honestly, you don't give a sh*t about any of it and you're exhausted. Sometimes you feel like nothing is ever good enough and that you are somehow failing everyone around you. You might wonder whether this is really what you imagined your life would be like and whether you are really living up to your greatest potential.
Perhaps you are sick of going through the same old cycle of going to work, coming home with no energy and going to bed, just to do it all over again. Maybe you have realised that no amount of working, drinking, sleeping, eating, sex, socialising or TV is cutting the mustard anymore and that there's just a lingering unsettling feeling that won't shift? Maybe you feel stuck in a cycle that feels like there is no way out. Do you just feel tired, flat and quite frankly, a little helpless? Maybe you don't feel like you're experiencing the happiness, joy and contentment that you want... or keep coming back to the same thought: "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?".
When every day is like this, we can feel like we're constantly trying to STAY afloat instead of ever experiencing what it's like to TRULY float. It can feel like all we're doing in our life is trying to survive. This is what survival mode feels like and LIVING here every day feels exhausting.
For many of us, we've grown up in a culture that is very DOING focused. As a result, many people are wrapped up in movement which keeps them in a constant state of go-go-go. Most people feel lazy if they're not doing anything or think they're failing if they're not ticking a box or producing something. As a result, they're always in motion which can feel like they need to rush to get things done. They might keep striving and pushing even when every part of them wants to relax. Or maybe there is a sense that in order to experience any kind of success, happiness or fulfillment, they need to keep climbing and reaching greater heights.
The thing is though, when you're constantly striving and pushing like this, you don't ever allow yourself the time or space to simply BE. You don't ever know what it's like to live right now or connect with how you actually feel. When you're caught in the doing, you prevent yourself from ever having to process what you are experiencing. The result? Trapped energy that WEIGHS YOU DOWN.
What many people don't often know is that unprocessed energy remains in your body whether you are aware of it or not. For lots of us, we were never taught how to properly process our experiences or feelings, and in many cases, emotional expression was discouraged altogether. It took 27 years before I was able to reconnect with my body and have any awareness of my emotional energy. Before then, I could talk about emotions all day long but I had no idea what they felt like, nor did I know how to express them or release the lifelong repressed energy that was held in my body. I had no idea the impact that this energy had been having on me every single day. When your emotions are out of your awareness, this keeps your nervous system wired and your stress hormones constantly elevated in the body.
The truth is that so many people remain in this state for HUGE periods of time, which means that although it has become their norm, they're still left wondering "what's wrong with me?". When you're operating from survival patterns, you often carry underlying chronic anxiety that prevents you from every truly feeling calm, confident, connected, clear, creative, or able to enjoy the present moment. If you're curious about anxiety, you can read more about it here
So, if the above wasn't enough, here are 7 signs that you may be operating from Survival Mode on a consistent basis:
1. You Have Trouble Sleeping
Many people in survival mode find themselves feeling exhausted by the end of the day but when they get into bed, all of a sudden their mind feels alert and won’t switch off. They might find themselves sleeping very lightly or waking regularly throughout the night or wake in the morning feeling like they were thinking all night and never slept at all. Others think they slept well but wake feeling absolutely zapped, unrefreshed and like they have been hit by a bus.
2. You Feel Overwhelmed
When people are in survival mode they feel overwhelmed regularly. Whilst overwhelm can come and go, there is often the predominant feeling that everything is too much. They often feel that they cannot take on another thing, that their plate is completely full or have a huge sense of wanting to give up entirely. They find themselves with too many competing priorities and as a result, feel like they don't know what to do or where to direct their focus.
3. You Feel Anxious About What's Coming Next
Anxiety can be experienced in a range of forms but can become more obvious when people are in survival mode. People who are in a state of chronic stress tend to worry about things and find themselves constantly thinking about what is yet to happen. They're usually projecting all the possible worst case scenarios and as a result, find it hard to make decisions. They struggle to be present because they're feeling agitated about what's next as opposed to what's in front of them. Because of this, they're often rushing from one thing to the next, without any ability to enjoy the present moment. There is little ability to switch off because they always feel like there is something they need to do so being able to relax is impossible.
4. You Are Reactive
People who are in survival mode have no separation between themselves and their thoughts and feelings which means that they react without being able to control themselves. They can experience things like snapping at people, blaming others or being easily brought to tears. At work they may find themselves impulsively responding to emails or prematurely completing tasks only to realise it created more work for them. Their reactions feel completely out of their control which often leads to experiencing guilt afterwards, causing a negative cycle of overthinking and regret.
5. You Feel Like You Are Losing Your Memory
Many people who are living in survival mode feel like they are losing their mind and memory. The reason for this is that their mind feels like it's going a million miles an hour, which pulls them in so many directions. These competing thoughts make it impossible for them to focus on one central thing or to have the space where to retain new information. People may experience situations where they are talking and forget what they were saying mid-sentence. This often has a knock on effect with anxiety, causing them to feel embarrassed and overthink what happened.
6. You Struggle to Pay Attention
Struggling to pay attention is one of the most common signs of people who are in survival mode. Because their thoughts are moving rapidly, they find themselves constantly thinking about other things whilst they are in conversation with other people or trying to do a task. They may experience situations like sitting in a meeting but thinking about all the emails they have waiting for them or they might be at lunch with a friend but feel anxious about all the chores they need to get done when they get home. It's no coincidence than most car crashes happen when people are not paying attention..
7. You Feel Like You Can't Stop
When people are in Survival Mode, the very idea of stopping can feel like life and death or that it will cause everything to fall apart. People in this space find it extremely hard (if not impossible) to relax because there is always a sense of needing to do something or some kind of impending doom. They may experience a lot of discomfort when they have nothing to do, often struggling to cope with the anxiety, boredom, guilt or loneliness that surfaces as a result.
If you hit ONE or all of these, there's a good chance your'e operating from a place of survival.
What's the takeaway?
It is clear that one of the main reasons many of us struggle to do what we want in life is because we feel stuck in a negative loop that leads to exhaustion. However, this article is not about being negative. It's about being INFORMED. I hope that by reading this it provides some comfort or understanding around what you may be experiencing and why.
I invite you to use this newfound awareness to acknowledge where you are right now in your life. Know that although your life may currently feel this way, it does not have to stay this way if you don't want it to. Expanding your awareness truly is the key because it provides you with a fresh perspective and helps you make new and empowering choices, such as, what do I want to do NOW? A fresh perspective assists you in being able to look more clearly at where you are so that you can decide whether you want to continue feeling this way or whether you want to make a change. Instead of asking "what's wrong with me?" you can now simply ask: "Is this the life I want to continue living?" or "what experiences have I gone through and never really processed?".
Knowing that it is absolutely POSSIBLE to move out of survival mode is truly comforting. It really is possible to return to feeling (or start feeling) the way you know you can feel. The place where you don't wake up dreading the day before it has begun or overthinking everything that's about to happen. Instead, you can have the energy and motivation to truly enjoy what is going on around you. The place where you feel at peace, have confidence in your abilities, see clearly your path and feel truly connected to your life and the people in it. It is here that you know what you truly want, can embrace opportunities, and have the guts to take action even if it scares you. This is the place that makes you feel that you are truly living your life!
If you have been operating in survival, it is important to recognise the importance of simply BEING instead of doing. We've been taught that there is no benefit in simply stopping, creating space or relaxing, but in order to do more of what we want, we actually NEED to stop. It is imperative that your nervous system can come to rest so that you can begin to start feeling what's going on instead of always thinking at the mind-level.
Stopping can often be the hardest part because every thought in your mind may tell you why you absolutely have to keep going (that's the anxiety speaking!) or why it's a complete waste of time. This is precisely the reason it is necessary, and why it has to be learned and practiced. Remaining aware and being kind to yourself is process.
Just remember: You didn't come here to just survive. You came here to do great things, to share your unique gifts with the world and enjoy your life to the fullest!
If you liked this article, you might also enjoy:
Why Healing Your Anxiety is the Key to Overcoming Anxiety
10 Things I Learned While Healing Debilitating Anxiety Without Medication
8 Tell-Tale Signs You Are Experiencing Chronic Anxiety…But Might Not Know It
7 Tips To Reduce Overthinking So You Can Release More Energy & Upgrade Your Life
Are you looking for a space to talk?
If you are looking for a safe place to reflect or have a desire for self-development, Holistic Counselling could be just the thing for you. You can read more about it below.
Molly is a Holistic Counsellor with qualifications in Holistic Counselling, Coaching & Meditation Therapy. However, most of what she brings to the table is her personal human experience and dedication to self healing and growth. She is the founder of Mind Habitat which offers Holistic Counselling to individuals who want to heal naturally and develop personal power in their life. You can book a session with Molly here or visit the Mind Habitat homepage here.